The Santa Claus Conspiracy

Santa Claus was never part of my family's Christmas celebration. My mother had very strong opinions on what she characterized as lying to children, and my depression-era grandparents' position was that they worked hard for the money to buy presents, so giving credit for those presents to someone else, especially someone who wasn't even real, was ridiculous. Shrug. I admit, I do kind of agree with them.

I'm not sure anyone would say lying to children is a good thing, but the lie of Santa Claus, as it is typically done, seems particularly cruel to me. "If you're good, a strange man who watches you from a distance will bring you toys, but if you're bad, you'll get nothing!" This lie teaches that love is conditional, and it preys on baser human qualities like greed and materialism to satisfy basic human needs like love and acceptance while threatening basic human fears like being left out and doing without (to say nothing of stalking -- geez! he knows when I'm sleeping and knows when I'm awake? creepy!!!). It's a lie that just makes me really, really sad. And by the way, Santa Claus is not what makes Christmas "magical," so don't even go there.

In our extended family, though, we have Santa Clausers. It's tradition. It's what they do. It's…whatever. So, I've been trying to think of a way to incorporate what is true about Santa Claus -- because history or legend, there is some basis out there for this tradition -- in a Christmas celebration that has more character-building value than just "you better watch out."

When we look at the history and legend of Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Père Noël, Saint Nicholas, or Sinterklaas, the mysterious benefactor's mission is typically to provide for those in need. It's not about "every good little girl and boy" or even about being "good" -- it's about easing someone's burden, giving someone a reason to smile, and helping others. The gifts these characters provided served two purposes: to fill a real and immediate need, or to serve as a token of kindness. Importantly, the mystery of the giver's identity tells the recipient that it's a gift that needs no reciprocation.

So let's do this: let's use Santa Claus as a way of teaching children to care about the needs of others rather than using it as a manipulative tool for good behavior (it's not very effective in doing that anyway).

Let there be fewer gifts from Santa, and let them be either need-fulfilling gifts or small token gifts (that's what the stockings hung by the fire are for anyway). And when the child is old enough to realize that Santa is not "real," have the conversation go something like this:

"You're right. Santa is not real like you and I are real. But we've given you gifts every year in his name in the hope of teaching you kindness. Gifts from Santa are not things you deserve or things you've earned in any way. They are gifts that hopefully make your life a little easier, a little happier, to show you that there's goodness in the world. Now that you've figured out the secret, it's up to you to show that same kindness to others. You're now part of the Santa Clause Conspiracy with us. Instead of getting gifts from Santa, now it's your turn to give gifts. It's time for you to be Santa Claus for someone else. Start thinking about it now: who do you know who needs help? and what can you do for that person or give to that person that will make that person's life a little better? And remember, you give the gift in secret -- you won't get a gift in return, you won't even get a hug or a thank-you from that person because he or she won't know it was you who gave the gift. Your only reward is how you feel when you're being kind to others. For me, it makes me feel really great, and I believe it will make you feel good too."

My favorite commentary, by far, on this topic is on a website called The Mid, titled, "My Kid Is Going To Ruin Santa For Your Kid."